shoulda, oughta, can't, won't, might....

eFF em all. The past few days have really set me to thinking about the futility and harm that we do to ourselves with all the coulda-shoulda-woulda-oughta-mighta-someday's. I've been feeling (in turns) fine, sh*tty, sad, bitter, guilty, mad, etc... And every time I've felt any of those things it's always seemed as though I should have been it more/less/differently. So fuck it. I will be what I am, when I am. I will do the best I can, when I can, and I will try not to ask more of myself than that.

So, with that in mind, I think these are my guideline will's and will not's:


I will play with my son when I have the energy and inspiration, and I will watch him play independently when not. I will not beat myself up on the days that we spend too much time watching tv snuggled on the couch instead of doing something more 'enriching' - so long as I am giving him attention instead of spending the whole time with my face stuck in a computer I am still giving him something important.

I will keep busy and not dwell on the things that haven't gone the way I wish they would have. I will not wallow and let myself go into a depressive funk spiral.

I will try to be grateful for all the things that I have and appreciate them. I will not wish my life away thinking of the things I want to do.

I will clear all the excess clutter from my mind, house, and life, so that we have more space and time to do the things that fill us with joy. I will try to not let new things into our life that do not bring us happiness.

I will make the effort to do the things that I need to do, when I need to do them, so that I have more time to do the things that I want to do. But, I will not beat myself up for the times that I reverse that order. :D